Porn, via parody, has long been paying homage to the cinematic greats, inserting strategic genital dialogue into more Academy Award winners that even the most avid YouPorn cruiser might expect. One Flew Over the Cuckold's Nest? It exists. Schindler's Lust? It, unfortunately, exists. With so many years of facsimile down the hatch, the old adage is reborn: imitation is the greatest form of fappery. While fans are undoubtedly fapping in quiet approval, it is the Hollywood originals that get the majority of the glory. We decided to switch the spotlight – for once – to blue, and present a comprehensive list of (almost) all porn parodies of Oscar-winning movies since the dawn of '86.

Porn parodies 
of Oscar-winning films:
a comprehensive guide . Image 1.

Lila Seidman

Author

 

 

1959Ben-Hur – Best Picture

1995Dun-Hur

Charlton Heston, eat your heart out. Or just eat out Rebecca Bardoux to your heart's content. Bardoux stars as Hur, “the classic tail of the classic tale,” in Dun-Hur, the hardcore parody of the 3h 44m Hollywood epic. We advise that you watch both and see which one wears you out first.

Going down in 69 A.D. (duh) in Rome, “The glory of Rome has spread far and wide, as had the fame (not to mention the legs) of Hur, the infamous nymphette whose ability to race a chariot like a bat out of hell and legendary appetite for the pleasures of the flesh brought the empire to its knees -- literally! Blessed with fortune and all the vices she desired: oral feasts, orgies til dawn, tongue baths, backdoor artillery training with a Praetorian Guard – even a membership at the Royal Driving Range. Life was good at the House of Hur, home of the whoppers.”

 

1961West Side Story – Best Picture

2008Breast Side Side Story

Watch the 37-second trailer and you'll soon realize ('round second 10) that this Wicked Pictures flick really has nothing to do with West Side Story, nor any other particular direction or narrative. Watch all 4-plus hours and you may lose your moral compass.

 

1962Lawrence of Arabia – Best Picture

????Lawrence of Alabia

Ever tried to slog through Lawrence of Arabia – all 222 minutes of it – and wondered when Peter O'Toole was going to whip out his tool? Or leave those poor Turks alone and attack some labia? The original won seven Academy Awards and is still lauded as super influential, but all that glitters sure isn't labia. Porn Valley stepped in, added the missing element, and made the film more accessible for all.

 

1964My Fair Lady

1989My Bare Lady

My Bare Lady is a true homage to its predecessor. Directed by Scotty Fox, aka porn's “King of Comedy” and the man who brought Sex Trek into existence, the porn stars in My Bare Lady don't just don era-appropriate costumes and shag under the guise of sex-ppropriated names – they sing and dance! The movie boasts a musical director (Mark Stone), but isn't above shameless sex-proppriated names. Immortal classic starlets Nina Hartley and Porsche Lynn make appearances in the porno musical, as Tish Tosh and Joan Pillars, respectively.

 

 

 

Porn parodies 
of Oscar-winning films:
a comprehensive guide . Image 2.

THE GODFATHER, Best Picture, 1972

The Godfather XXX

 2012

 

Pumped out by two modern porn parody powerhouses: director Lee Roy Myers (Sponge Bob Square Nuts, Game of Bones, Dr. Whore) and studio DreamZone Entertainment (Little Spermaid, Cape Fear XXX, Karate Kid XXX)The Godfather XXX brings us into the tumultuous, erotic, ridiculous world of the Whorelone family, led by patriarch Dong (Peter O'Tool). According to studio, “As the head of the world's largest adult film distribution company, the Dong has accumulated many friends, but even more enemies. At the brink of porn war, the organization eases the tension with orifices that no one can refuse and a raunchy dose of revenge.”

 

  

 

1975One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

2014One Flew Over the Cuckold's Nest

Fetish, like insanity, is a relative concept. One man's cringe is another man's pleasure. Ken Kesey might not have had that exact thought in mind while working on One Flew of the Cuckoo's Nest, but he likely wouldn't deny the common sense notion. DreamZone picks up on this tangential thread in its recently released feature-length riff on the 1962 novel.

The action takes place at a state mental facility, which has devolved into complete chaos — the patients are running amuck, the electric shock machine has broken down (again) and the head doctor has grown desperate. Bordering on utter panic, the head doctor allows Nurse Snatch-It to implement a very controversial interracial cuckold therapy, which raises more than staff morale. The film's tagline breaks the fourth wall and forces introspection, “If her husband's crazy for wanting to watch, what does that make you?”

 

1976Rocky – Best Picture

2011Rocky XXX: Parody Thrill

Porn award-winning parody director Will Ryder (Not the Jersey Boys XXX, American Hustle XXX) revived the sweaty Stallone classic, keeping the fights and adding lots of fuck – and an original musical score. Anthony Rosano and Andy San Dimas star in the roles of Rocky and Adrian.

The plot centers around Rocky, as he battles Apollo Creed and Clubber Lang while juggling Adrian’s love, prostitutes and TV reporters. Seemingly everyone offers up their bodies for casual sex as trainer Mick builds Rocky into a winner.

 

1983Terms of Endearment – Best Picture

2007Sperms of Endearment

Another Wicked Pictures parody in mostly name only, Sperms of Endearment lures fans with imperative smut rather than wit. “Come on her back, come on her face, come on her chest...,” the tagline insists. The “come on” spirit is carried on for four hours. 

 

1984Amadeus – Best Picture

1995Amadeus Mozart

The parody connection between these two films is dubious, but there's no denying a singular inspiration: the mad musical (libidinous?) genius, Mozart. The sexed up biopic was shot in luscious 35 mm by Joe D'Amato in his native Italiano, earning it a prominent place in the hardcore parody pantheon.

Think you know Mozart? D'Amato's Amadeus Mozart might make you think twice – even if it's just wishful doubt. The synopsis reads, “Music soothes the savage beast...and seduces the most beautiful women. You've undoubtedly heard of the famous classical composer Mozart, but you may not be fully aware as to why he was so damn good on the harpsichord. You see, more important than Mozart's love for music was his lust for the opposite sex, and making music was simply his way of getting beautiful babes to make love to him. But he wasn't without his rivals, other oversexed prodigies who also knew how to use their talents to seduce the most beautiful women in Europe, including the Queen!” 

 

1985Out of Africa

1986In and Out of Africa

The parody takes the original and raises it black people. Unlike the parent film, which spotlights the love triangle between (white) Meryl Streep, (white) Klaus Maria Brandauer and (white) Robert Redford, In and Out of Africa is all about interracial conexxxtions. Ebony ladies Sahara (playing the horny Voodoo Queen), Jeannie Pepper, Angel Kelly and Patricia Lockhart star alongside (white) porn icon Nina Hartley and (black) Brad Vale and (white) Jerry Butler. Hartley mixes her cream with Vale, Sahara and others. Jungles beats and drums set the faux-African rhythm.

 

1989Driving Miss Daisy – Best Picture

1990Driving Miss Daisy Crazy

While Driving Miss Daisy (in title and plot) seems to invite a straightforward porn parody, the makers of the latter veered off into unexpected/unrelated territory. In the '89 film, an elderly Jewish woman (Jessica Tandy) living in Atlanta bonds with black chauffeur (Morgan Freeman), defying social conventions and racial prejudices. In the parody, a bored partner puts porn videos on in order to get their lackluster mate interested. The couple ends up so enthusiastic, they star in a porn movie that becomes inspiration for another lackluster couple. Some serious WTF disconnect is at play.

Notable classic stars appear in the anti-adaptation, including Kym Wilde, Cal Jammer, and Penny Lane.

 

1990Dances with Wolves

1991Dances with Foxes

Considered one of the porn parody greats, Herschel Savage's Dances With Foxes explores Native American lust in the modern day (rather than the original's Civil War-setting). Those in search of exotic ethnic exploration will need a strong dose of suspended reality, as the parody's performers err almost exclusively on the Caucasian side... Porn legend Jamie Gillis co-stars alongside Angela Summers, Charisma, Trixie Tyler and more. 

  

 

 

Porn parodies 
of Oscar-winning films:
a comprehensive guide . Image 3.

silence of the lambs, Best Picture, 1990

Official Silence
of The Lambs Parody

 2011

 

Cannibalphiliacs rejoice: gruesome/disturbing/murder-centric themes notwithstanding, Silence of the Lambs was not spared the parody treatment. The movie's writer/director Gary Orona knew what territory he was wading into, explaining that he wanted to “explore some seriously demented characters” while working on the project. 

Produced by the twisted folks at Zero Tolerance, Kagney Linn Karter plays junior FBI agent “Clarice Sterling,” a lesbian who is sent to pick Hannibal Lecter’s (Ben English) brain for information regarding serial killer Buffalo Bill’s whereabouts. In exchange for info, she must deliver him a horny young fan -- as long as he vows not to eat her. Meanwhile, Buffalo Bill is off torturing Brenda, an extreme masochist who loves the abuse. As Sterling is drawn into the cracked-up worlds of Lecter and Bill, her lesbianism wavers. Screw the victims – will Agent Crawford get into Sterling's unhip slacks?

 

 

 

1993Schindler's List

Late '90sSchindler's Lust

Maybe the most psychologically unsettling of all the porn parodies, Schindler's Lust makes a morsel more sense in the context of its intended statement. Creator Keith Crocker apparently made the film in defense of radical free speech, reacting to what he perceived as a socially over-serious climate in the U.S. in the late '90s. Crocker’s budget dried up before he could say “Sieg Geil,” and he opted to make a grainy B&W 10-minute trailer for the film that never reached completion.

The remaining extant footage, all narrated by one goofy American dude, shows women being tortured -- simultaneously fed to and fondled by ape creatures, sawed in half, and brutalized by officers. An American soldier lies beaten at the feet of an SS “she-devil,” who pokes him half-heartedly with a crop. “Never in the history of cinema has such sexual deviance been depicted with such honesty,” the goof declares.

 

1994Forest Gump

1994Foreskin Gump

It probably should have been titled Forrest Hump, but what can I say? Skin Happens.

In the pornified remake, Forrest (Mark Davis) is repeatedly scorned for never having slept with a woman. Whenever anyone gets down, the classic refrain rings loud and clear: “Run, Forrest, run.”

 

1995Braveheart 

2003The Scottish Loveknot

Perhaps not an intentional parody, The Scottish Loveknot and Braveheart have got some interesting parallels. For one, The Scottish Loveknot took home the 2004 AVN Award (widely considered the Oscar’s of porn) for Best Foreign Feature. Secondly, it was shot on location in Scotland by premiere European studio Private Media Group. It’s also got a war/sex-ridden Medieval-y storyline and really, really hot Euro chicks. Move over, Mel.

 

1997Titanic – Best Picture

2010Titanic Tits

Unabashedly bypassing the James Cameron Titanic's landmark romance between Rose (Kate Winslett) and Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio), early 20th century class tensions and transcendent theme song, Titantic Tits gets straight to the tits. Put together by Wicked Pictures, Titanic Tits is really just an all-sex compilation with a boat-themed font on the box cover.

 

1999American Beauty – Best Picture

2000American Booty

American Booty sheds all the philosophical plastic bag talk – and much of the original film’s plot -- to make room for ebony starlets Midori and Monique's curvy backsides. The Afro-Centric Productions title focuses on what happens when two hot black girls decide to rebel against suburban tedium.

 

2000Gladiator – Best Picture

2002Private Gladiator (trilogy)

Defying the unspoken porn parody tradition of bizarre plot alterations, Private Media Group's Gladiator pretty much retells Ridley Scott's Academy Award-winning movie – with the addition of hardcore sex. Directed by Antonio Adamo, the costume trilogy (Private Gladiator, Private Gladiator: In the City of Lust and Private Gladiator: Sexual Conquest) is widely considered one of the most ambitious (and expensive) adult productions ever made. Maybe if Russell Crowe learned to blow off steam like Toni Ribas (Maxximus), he wouldn't be such a jerk. 

 

2003The Lord of The Rings: The Return
of The King – Best Picture 

2003Whore of The Rings

A land of magic, dragons and abundant anal birthed from dirty the mind of J. R. R. Tokin'. No hairy-toed Hobbits in this loose adaptation. Violet Blue and Aurora Snow must save the world from evil sorceress Kylie Ireland. If the Ireland gains control of the last ring, she will send Central Earth into complete darkness. Reviewers tended to overlook the shoddy plot line and applaud the action (which includes copious anal scenes and DP).

 

2004Million Dollar Baby – Best Picture

2005Million Dollar Booty

No boxing, no Clint Eastwood caricatures, just booty. Four hours of just booty. Painstakingly conceived by Wicked Pictures. 

 

2007No Country for Old Men – Best Picture 

2012No Country for Old Milfs

Part of Caballero Video's Oscars of Porn series, No Country for Old MILF promises intrigue: “These moms are wanted for sex crimes!” But in reality, these moms are just part of a 20-hour, 4-disc compilation vid.

 

2008Slumdog Millionaire – Best Picture

2011This Is Not Slumdog Millionaire...
It's a XXX Parody

The Not Slumdog Millionaire box cover riffs on the original film's game show framing device, but offers raunch in lieu of heart-wrenching triumph. It asks fans, “Which Indian goddess gets your dick the hardest?” A. Kiara B. Kamani C. Kumara D. Sati? Good thing all of them make hardcore appearances in the parody! Beyond the cover, the title features four pretty straightforward boy/girl sex scenes showcasing the exotic Indian starlets.

White Ghetto Films, premiere purveyors of hirsute and granny porn, explains as much, “Imagine what it must be like to compete for a huge jackpot on a big game show and in a surprise upset, YOU WIN! Sorry, this isn't that movie! But you do win a consolation prize anyway. A XXX porn extravaganza of sizzling, wall-to-wall, cum-soaked sex from the steaming heat of India's most insatiable sluts! After all that, who needs money?”

 

201312 Years a Slave

201412 Inches of Slave

Another immediate “Oh God” trigger. A racial flip-flop approach to its brutal predecessor, the XXX version presents what Exile Distribution owner Howard Levine calls “a heartwarming story about five white women who have become slaves to huge black cock.”

 

 

Cover photo: Shutterstock