All you can hate about California: a playlist inspired by San Andreas. Image 1.

Joe Bernardi

Author

California must think it's pretty cool. It's got almost every type of physical terrain the world has to offer, its Golden State Warriors are about to enter the NBA finals, and its detestable tech culture has displaced the American dream. San Andreas, this weekend's blow-it-all-up blockbuster, is here to take Cali down a couple of pegs by way of a devastating cinematic earthquake all-but-guaranteed to test even The Rock's west-coast unflappability. A lot of artists don't have the budget to simulate an earthquake that reflects their hatred of the Sunshine State, however, so most people just resort to writing songs. Songs like these:

Or check out the individual tracks below. ↓

 
 

All you can hate about California: a playlist inspired by San Andreas. Image 2.

The Freeze,
This is Boston Not L.A.

In only 27 seconds, and armed with little besides the facts (The Freeze were from Boston, not LA) this song manages to act as a shot across the bow. Alongside the Celtics/Lakers rivalry, it helped create the bizarre, one-sided Boston/LA rivalry we all know and love today.

 

All you can hate about California: a playlist inspired by San Andreas. Image 3.
 

Tim Dog,
Fuck Compton

Tim Dog deserves a posthumous lifetime achievement award in the field of hating California.

 
 

All you can hate about California: a playlist inspired by San Andreas. Image 4.

Creedence Clearwater Revival,
Lodi

It's possible that John Fogerty--a Northern California native--didn't mean anything against Lodi specifically, but he singlehandedly ruined its reputation forever by writing a song about stranded there, so joke's on him.

 
 

All you can hate about California: a playlist inspired by San Andreas. Image 5.

Magnetic Fields,
California Girls

The joke is that women from California are shallow and bad. The person singing the song is going to kill them because of that. There must be something pretty bad about girls from California for that to be the case.

 
 

All you can hate about California: a playlist inspired by San Andreas. Image 6.

George Jones and Tammy Wynette,
Southern California

Boy and girl fall in love, girl goes west to pursue her dreams, girl's dreams tank, nothing works out. Aside from the implausibility of Tammy Wynette ever failing at anything this seems like a conversation George Jones and Tammy Wynette would actually have.

 
 

All you can hate about California: a playlist inspired by San Andreas. Image 7.

Albert Hammond,
It Never Rains In Southern California

Boy goes west to pursue his dreams, boy's dreams tank, nothing works out. I bet Albert Hammond has been getting decent royalty money now that it literally never rains in Southern California.

 
 

All you can hate about California: a playlist inspired by San Andreas. Image 8.

EMA,
California

I'm not totally clear on what EMA is saying about California in this song, but it seems really intense and violent, and she had to leave her friends in order to achieve it. Something about how the freedom California affords comes with guilt for the people you left who don't have that luxury? And red pants.

 
 

All you can hate about California: a playlist inspired by San Andreas. Image 9.

Flying Burrito Brothers,
Sin City

California, and Los Angeles in particular, and in the 70's *in particular*, seemed to have a tendency to leave everything you ever wanted at your feet; it would then wait patiently while you destroyed yourself with it and then died in an earthquake.

 
 

All you can hate about California: a playlist inspired by San Andreas. Image 10.

Dead Kennedys,
California Uber Alles

A lot of people forget this, but when this song was written the threat of Jerry Brown and his suede denim secret police killing every uncool person in America was very real.

 
 

All you can hate about California: a playlist inspired by San Andreas. Image 11.

Presidents of the United States, 
Fuck California

Dated Winona reference aside, a sentiment so universally agreeable that it helped get the Presidents a major-label deal.