Office DictionaryOffice Dictionary: Pornhub
Every workplace has its own internal lingo. This week, we talk to the media savvy Pornhub about their office shop talk, including "scribes" and the all too image conjuring "joystick sessions."
If you've ever craved carnal attention in the wee hours of the evening, chances are you've stumbled upon Pornhub. The porn giants tout a seemingly never-ending bank of professional and amateur porn videos from the wonder bread of the adult film industry all the way to the zestiest of habanero focaccia dipped in tomatillo salsa. Don’t think that sounds delicious? Well, there’s something for everyone at Pornhub. And there’s a name for all of the idiosyncratic happenings that the employees of Pornhub have to be aware of. Feast your eyes (and your senses) on their list of sexually-charged company jargon.
Pornhub – a pornographic video sharing website and the largest pornography site on the Internet
— Like Google it for adult videos
EXAMPLE: "What do you make of this video labeled 'shakey wakey inny outy double stampsies penetration?' Better PornMD-it."
— The Pornhub office is known as the hub
Example: “This uploader, loading the strobe-light-soaked POV videos, we better invite him to the hub for a chat.”
— Pixelated Private Parts (Japanese Porn)
EXAMPLE: “This one Triple P is actually quite artistic, like a Jackson Pollock glory hole.”
— When someone visits Pornhub from a gaming console
EXAMPLE: “Mom caught me mid-Joystick Session and now my Wii’s on eBay.”
— When someone visits Pornhub from an apple mobile device
EXAMPLE: “Those TED Talks sure were boring but I managed to make it more interesting with a quick iFap session.”
— Someone who has never been on Pornhub before
EXAMPLE: “I couldn’t believe porn video rental still existed, but then again I couldn’t believe there was actually such thing as a Pornhub Virgin.”
— A Pornhub member who has watched over 10,000 videos in their Pornhub career
EXAMPLE: “I knew he was familiar with Pornhub, but I had no idea what a connoisseur he was. And that was before he unleashed his breath of Victorian Era cuckold videos!”
— Someone who is a heavy commenter on Pornhub videos
EXAMPLE: “Of all the scribes out there, you’re the only one that quotes Morrissey lyrics on all of Jayden James’s videos.”
— Someone who is known for making great playlists
EXAMPLE: “A Stone Temple Pilots mix on a money shot comp? This person is clearly no DJ Vajayjay.”
ILLUSTRATION: Nikita Treptsov